You're out with your colleagues at a work bowling party. It's dark, the lights are dimmed and the comforting sound of pins being knocked into oblivion wafts lazily through the air. You begin your game, it's going well, even Sandra from accounts is doing OK this time and is still more or less sober! Then you see it.
It's monstrous.
It laughs a throaty rasp, then turns red in the face and its eyes bulge in pure, unadulterated rage.
A bowl troll.
The bane of fun everywhere, bowl trolls have a habit of turning up when you least desire them. They come in many forms, though are almost predominantly drunk.
So what is a bowl troll?
A bowl troll is not so much a what, nor a whom, but more a set of certain characteristics that combine to lead to a troll's ultimate identification. They can be loud and obnoxious, stampeding around multiple lanes, or they can be quiet and secluded, only surfacing when things don't go as they planned.
How do I identify this monstrous beast?
As I mentioned, there are key characteristics to look out for when spotting a bowl troll. They traditionally always:
- Bowl outside their turn: Get outta here, you pesky troll. It's not your turn! Stop guttering my balls.
- Bowl when the bumper is down: Do you not realise what that's for?! Oh you got your ball stuck because it got stopped. Great.
- Hog the perfect ball: If you didn't bring your own ball then put the blasted thing down. Some of us need the same weight, you know, and that's the perfect ball!
- Blame the game: No, the lane works fine. Your score isn't wrong, you just can't bowl, OK?
- Give bad advice: You don't know how to bowl, either, bowl troll! Stop yelling in my ear - you're getting spit all over my game face.
If you should spot such a dangerous beast, always call them out on their nonsense. Put a stop to it. Band together. Don't just let it happen or they grow in strength. Good luck out there, bowlers!
Spotted any bowl trolls in your local alley? Tell us about their heinous crimes in the comments below!
